Oct. 24 – Nov. 7, 2018

ARIES: You are called to be diplomatic and cooperative, which is so far out of your wheelhouse, the wheelhouse is just a speck on the horizon. What were you thinking when you volunteered for this? Being better known for a “my way or the highway” approach, no one can prepare for what you’re about to throw down.

TAURUS: Your higher-ups at work are incredibly impatient and make demands they wanted on their desks yesterday. Now’s not the time to tell them to buzz off, but to pucker up and kiss their ass. Sure, you’ll lose all respect for yourself, but you’ll get to keep your job if you want it. It won’t be the first time.

GEMINI: Your relationships are like carrying a bottle of nitroglycerin over hot coals while people are shooting at you. And that’s the good relationships. You might be the great communicator of the zodiac, but you really really suck at personal interactions. What to do? This week, you’re urged to take an online course on how to win friends and influence people.

CANCER: You have a very “Leave It To Beaver” mindset about family, because you tend not to live in any sort of healthy reality. Time to manifest that hard-shelled approach and start making some assertive decisions, or you’ll pay for it later. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you! Sometimes.

LEO: You’ve been slacking off and chores are piling up like Tribbles on the USS Enterprise. Captain Kirk would not be happy with you. When you don’t tend to the details, everything goes to shit. Time to take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. Lazy is not how you want to be thought of because your fragile ego can’t take it.

VIRGO: Your theme song this week is “Money” by Pink Floyd. It’s a theme you’ll see for the rest of the year, and that may not be as good as it sounds. You like to shop because it fills that void inside where love used to live. Possessions are not love. Nor is food. Stop hoarding things or else you’ll end up on “Hoarders.”

LIBRA: Are you high? Because people are beginning to look at you like you are. All the time. Just because marijuana has been legalized is no reason to get high all the freaking time. If your self-esteem needs work, weed’s not gonna help. Seek out a professional and get some therapy. You’ll thank yourself later when you rediscover your self-sufficient spirit.

SCORPIO: You loved hide-n-seek as a kid because it gave you a reason to ditch the other kids. Even then you were anti-social. That longing to disappear rears its head once more, and it’s up to you to give in to it or break free of the shackles you place on yourself. There’s a certain someone who’s been eyeing you. Look around, you’ll see them.

SAGITTARIUS: This has been a quiet, personal year for you despite the flare-ups of drama that seem to find you. You’ve been lulled into complacency and that will kill your fiery spirit. Don’t let that flame inside you die out. You’ll never get it back again. Sometimes you have to create your own excitement.

CAPRICORN: The holidays are fast approaching and you’re feeling like you’ll never be able to afford anything this year. Again. You should know that all the hard work you’ve done and continue to do pays off tremendously. Let your over-anxious mind take a rest and enjoy life for a change. It’s worth it.

AQUARIUS: You’ve been feeling wise and philosophical lately, and that’s about to come to a crashing halt. It’s a shitty time of year to feel the struggle, but that’s your lot for now. Don’t fight it but acknowledge it and tell it you’re not in the mood for its stupid bullshit. That’ll show it.

PISCES: You’ve been spending a LOT of time in other realities, Pisces, and it’s time to return to this one. Yeah, yeah, you like spending time with those unicorns and tree faeries, but you’re neglecting things, and those responsibilities aren’t taking care of themselves. Come back to earth, freaky little alien.