Aug. 29 – Sept. 4, 2018

ARIES: “I won’t be ignored, Dan!” Recognize that line from Fatal Attraction? You should, because you’re about to become a fatal attraction to someone close to you in your inimitable Aries way. You need to learn to accept “No!” for an answer. Pepper spray also means no. It’s very important that you do the right thing.

TAURUS: Casual office flirting does not mean your co-worker wants to jump your bones. You are prone to misreading social cues and often find yourself in hot water because of it. Maybe making up some flash cards will help. Or maybe you should stop thinking everybody wants you. Good place to start.

GEMINI: Nose to the grindstone or else the end of the month is going to find you broke with bills to pay. You hate wasting your money on silly things like food or electricity or car payments, but this is no time to shirk responsibility. This is the time to do everything you should because, come October, you’re going to want to par-TAY, and you can’t do that without the Benjamins!

CANCER: Busy, busy, busy! You find yourself mired in errands and chores and paperwork and telephone calls this week. Don’t crap your pants just yet. All this chaos is being sent your way on purpose. From the midst of the craziness you’ll learn things – especially about finances – that will help you overcome some problems you thought were unsolvable.

LEO: Grab your most trusted friend and head out to find bargains and learn about what you once thought to be hidden. You are the trailblazer, and many are watching you closely, waiting for you to screw up. The joke’s on them because you are at the top of your game. Just watch that you’re not stepping on toes because that shit will come back to haunt you in a big way.

VIRGO: The proverbial clouds part in your personal life, and you are finally seeing your way clear from turmoil and indecision from the past few months. Set sail for open seas and throw worry and anxiety overboard. Trust your twisted intuition and see where it leads you. It’s time you go off on an adventure of your own, even if you stay home to get there.

LIBRA: You’re the hardest working person in any business, but it’s nearing time that you lie low, rest and relax. Logging 1,000 hours a week at work doesn’t make you better at what you do. It simply makes you exhausted and feeling like you’re moving two steps forward and twelve steps back. Only when you clear that muddled mind of yours do answers come.

SCORPIO: The words “cheerful” and “lucky” rarely apply to you. You engage with life as if it’s a struggle to the death. That might seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. Risks you’ve taken recently begin to pay off. Let’s just hope you didn’t invest in a manure factory. Don’t run away like a pansy.

SAGITTARIUS: You’re heading into an exceptionally ambitious period. Strut your stuff because everyone will notice. Keep a close eye on your money because you’re feeling like it grows on trees, which is a real dumb-ass way to lose everything. Stay away from legal troubles lest you get too cocky and end up in a position you really don’t want to be in.

CAPRICORN: You like to think on your feet, but this week is telling you to slow down. You’re feeling determined and assertive but aren’t comfortable expressing those feelings. For once, your passive-aggressive nature works in your favor. Take advantage of it.

AQUARIUS: Great struggle comes before great change. You’ve been feeling like it’s all struggle with no reward. There is a lot hidden that you must uncover in order to move forward. Thankfully, you’re a nosy SOB, so they won’t stay hidden for long.

PISCES: You are going to be busier than a rabbit in heat this week! Alas, you won’t enjoy what you have to do, but still … . Don’t mix business with pleasure as that will mess you up faster than anything. Keep your eye on the goals you’ve set and try not to get distracted by shiny things.