In a few weeks I will try something new. I will perform a short stand-up comedy routine at Soulcraft Brewing Co. It probably makes more sense to write this after I actually do the stand-up routine, but I also don’t know if I’ll want to revisit that night if I bomb.

I chose this topic to help me focus on writing my routine, because at the moment my “routine” is just a bunch of random thoughts and jokes and stream of consciousness on pieces of paper and in a dozen different Google documents.

I’ve been actively writing down joke ideas for a future routine for nearly two years now. But this dream of doing stand-up has existed for much longer.

Being funny has been a goal and passion of mine since I saw the power it can wield. My wish has always been to be described as a funny person. I want people to say, “Who, Cailey? Yeah, she’s funny.”

My goal in high school was to be voted Class Clown, and I was. Interestingly, a career as a comedian never really appealed to me. It was a front-runner as a side job for sure. Is it strange to have side job ambitions?

On two memorable occasions I was clearly told to stop the path I was on and try comedy. The first came at age 12 while attending a horse camp. The point of this summer camp was to learn how to show horses in a competition. At the end of the week I received a “Funniest Camper” award. I attended the camp the next year – clearly not getting the hint that I’m not good at show.

In high school my art teacher made up an end of the year award for me: “Best Comedic Timing.” I appreciated the invented award but largely ignored the message as I applied to three art schools.

Am I getting off track? It feels like maybe.

Anywho, after I went to see comedians at Soulcraft, namely Christie Buchele and Chris Porter (twice), my passion to do stand-up reached an all-time high. And I drunkenly expressed this bucket list goal to my friend and Soulcraft Marketing Manager Eric Ramsey after one of the shows. My goal got full support from Eric and his wife, Alison. Their support meant a lot to me, and Eric’s willingness to have me debut at his establishment was incredibly flattering.

Eric wanted to book a date right then. I said, “No,” but told him he would have to make it happen because as a professional procrastinator I will never come to him with a written routine. I need deadlines.

So a few months ago he asked if I’d like to open for Adam Cayton-Holland on Thursday, June 21. I said yes, and then my palms started to sweat profusely.

Like Dee on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I don’t feel cut out, mentally, to be a comedian – dry heaving sounds plausible. Totally bombing sounds plausible too. The quickly approaching date is stressing me out and making me feel queasy. Also incredibly excited. I’m a rollercoaster of emotions right now. I’ve already toyed with the notion of performing with my back to the audience. It could be my thing? But first, I need to finish writing my routine.